Thursday, June 30, 2016

2nd Pregnancy

A very overdue post.

After hoping and praying for a pretty long time, we finally conceive our number 2.

The journey of carrying this little fella was nowhere near easy. When we first saw the 2 faint lines, i didnt want to carry my hopes too high, as it was so faint, you really could barely see it. We very quickly arrange for our appointment with Doc John and he confirmed the pregnancy.

I remember at somewhere between 4 to 5 weeks old, i started spotting. On the first day, i thought it could be just some early pregnancy symptoms . I still remember the first day was on a Wednesday.

On Thursday, while working in office, i started to bleed, a little more than the day before. I was hesitating if I should see doc as Doc John was not in town. Dropped the husband a text, and he wanted me to go in to the clinic immediately. I called the clinic, make an appointment with the stand-in Doc. Settled my work and took the rest of the day off. I took a cab down, feeling pretty nervous and fearful. When i arrived at the clinic, though there were few patients, the doc was nowhere fast nor urgent to see me. I waited for a close to 45 mins before seeing him.

He did an internal check, and mentioned that he could see the sac, but he could not detect the heartbeat of the baby, if i had given the dates correctly, the baby should be into the 6th week gestation. And by then, the heartbeat is formed.

He further check and saw the spot where i was bleeding, he gave me options, he will try to stop the bleeding, but in his opinion and years of experience, i was starting to miscarry this little precious one.

I was trying so hard to fight back my tears and keeping my composure at the same time. He offered me a few suggestions, either i do a D & C now or tomorrow, or to wait a couple more days and let Doc John examine me again. Meanwhile, he prescribed me some hormonal pills and send me back.

I went back with an extremely heavy heart, while in the cab, tears was almost rolling down my cheek. I didnt know what to do. It was an extremely painful time.

I didnt even had any appetite for lunch, and all i could do was to bawl my eyes out. Praying and asking why must it be me again.

I cried myself to sleep that afternoon.

I remember that night i stumbled about the husband phone's text with the MIL.

He texted her and kept her informed of the miscarriage and further warn them not to speak with me about the baby.

That night seemed so long.

I went to work on Fri and i was supposed to be in Malacca, celebrating the husband's birthday but we decided we should give it a miss. And we wanted to seek the 2nd opinion if we could keep the baby, hence, we waited for Doc John's return.

27 Jun 16

The day came, i was to return to the clinic to see doc John. We didnt even had any mood to even hold any celebration, our hearts were very heavy.

It was my turn to see Doc John. We went in, he did an internal test, he said he saw something flickering but he cant be sure as the ultrasound, could not picked the heartbeat. I was sent home with more hormonal pills and bedrest.

29 Jun

It was 2nd review for the week, to further confirm if the baby was doing well. And to our relief, he finally picked the heartbeat. And the pregnancy was still not stable but at least, we saw a glimpse of hope. We held on to the belief that this the miracle baby and he/she will survive.


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