Con of being a SAHM

 

  

Been away from this space for an extremely long time.

Not that i am lazy, but Nellie, ahem doesnt grant me time alone, much less, typing away in peace.

Today would marks my 9th month as a SAHM. Honestly, as much as my entire being would like to say that i enjoyed being one, there are days i just hated disliked being one.

WHY?

As much as there are many reasons that many mothers out there would like to be a SAHM, some reasons that we overlooked are:


1.       There is nothing to look forward to. Why do I say so? By right we look forward to seeing our kids meeting their development milestones. And yes, at the start, you really do. Witnessing the first time they took their first crawl, first steps, first feeding and etc. There will be a time that they dont really have anything to achieve. I mean, that BIG thing for them. So every single day would be very mundane.

2.      You got no where to go, and also because of the lack of income, you cant be heading out every single day. So the only place you hang out the most is your house, your bedroom.

3.      Some painful days. For me, my most painful days are when Nellie hits her teething period. Oh, seriously. Each time she is to have some pearly white ones coming out, its alaways 4 at a go. Trust me, 4 at a go is a KILLER! She would refuse food, refuse sleep, refuse water, refuse milk and the list can go on. And all she does is CRY, wanting to be carried. I am no fan of teething process. And this would usually last up till a week. Just me and a crying baby with no help is no joke at all.

4.      Nellie gets so attached to me, that i cant even go toilet in PEACE. The moment i close the door, bam! The crying starts. And must less to say, leaving her at home and i head out to recharge myself, she would be crying as though i have just abandon her. That makes going out tough as well as the person caring for the baby tough.

The list can go on.

But there are really some nice reasons that you will forgo everything and just want to be with our little ones. Which i am not listing here.

Anyway, i am still gonna continue to be a SAHM for some reasons. I pray that God maintains my sanity!

Till i get the chance to blog again! Ending off with peektures of the princess.

Life today!

2 months into the brand new year and 3 months into me being a SAHM! How times flies!

How's life, you may ask.

To me, it has its pros and cons so far. I enjoy staying at home and spending the time with my little princess, however, i do miss dressing up and working in the workforce dealing with adults.

Staying home allows me to see the progress Nellie has make thus far, her first standing up, her steps, in short, her first major milestones in life.

However, facingg her 24/7 is not an easy feat. There will be days i totally dont understand what she wants. And there will be days where she crawls all over the house and ranksack anything and everything that is within her sight. That really make me miss working at times.

Of cos, i definitely dont miss waking up early for work! Thats something i totally dont miss at all! Haha!

Now Nellie is into her 10th month, and pretty soon, we are all gonna celebrate her BIG ONE! It kinds excites me thinking how to make it special for her, yet, keeping it within budget! This day last year, marks a brand new chapter for us and something that has no more turning back! Its kinda bittersweet feeling for me!

The SECOND one....

A question that many will ask.

"When are you having a second one?"

Now that i have one.

My honest answer. I dont know if i am able to cope with a 2nd kid. Nellie is an easy baby since birth. She hardly fuss, she latched well, she eats well and she is generally a friendly baby.

However, as she grows, her activeness is keeping all my willingness to have a 2nd one at bay. I literally had to drop everything that i am doing jus to make sure she doesnt open up the drawer and ransack everything out.

Apart from that, i always have these thoughts.

The positive one is the world is so harsh, by having another child, believing that the child is here to change the world.

The negative thought is, knowing that the world is so harsh, why bring the child into this world and participate in the rat race.

I am not keen nor interested to fulfil what the government says. But there is also one nagging thought, if we really were to have just Nellie alone, next time she will have to face the world herself. Literally.

No one will be able to share the things that she goes through. And so on and so forth.

Sigh. I believe these are some nagging thoughts of many young couples weighing down their mind before planning to have a kid. Even a second one.

Nellie

Time flies. 6 Month and 2 weeks now.

My princess has grown older, bigger and much more active.

In the last 2 weeks, perhaps due to teething, Nellie has not been sleeping well. Not been easy. Wants to be cuddled all day long.

And when i am in the mist of doing all i can to calm her down, some times I just felt so ARGHHHH. Why am i going through such! Why cant she be cooperating and JUST GO TO SLEEP!

And when the new day arrives, looking at her, will erase all the 'sufferings' she put on me the day before.

Looking at the photos also reminds me that Nellie is growing up very fast! I cant pause/ stop/ adjsut the time backwards. I got to treasure each and every single day i have with her.

She is indeed my little princess, and i simply love her loads! Close to idolizing her already!!

And not to forget, Nellie reaches another milestone in life! She is uttering words!

Mum mum! Is all she knows now!

Nellie at 6 month

In a wink of an eye, I'm back at the workforce for a good 2 months! Which also means, our little princess is now 6 month old!

These 2 months is certainly not easy.

The many disagreements we had with the in laws in parenting methods, the shuffling back and forth in caring for the princess and many more.

And i really cant bear to leave her behind as i go to work.

Honestly, the thought of her spending so much time with the granny makes my heart feel so 'jealous'.

I wish i could stay behind and care for her. But i know i cant.

This 2 months also make me treasure all the time spent with Nellie.

The outing trips to the swimming pool, the trips to church and the many places that she followed us to.

As much as we want to have time to ourselves alone, but honestly, we cant bear to just leave her behind and continue with our activities.

As i browse through the photos i cant help but to thank God for such a smiley and happy baby! A baby that will pull the heartstring of everyone!

I pray that Nellie will continue to grow up, bold, not afraid of strangers, smiley, filled with the joy of the lord! And every single day, growing up knowing and loving Jesus!

Returning to work!

As my maternity drawing to an end, i really felt so dread going back to work.

Before Nellie comes along, after a long break, i would feel so excited that I'm FINALLY going back to work. Be it a 3 days leave or a 5 days long weekend!

However, giving me a total of 4 months maternity leave makes me so bonded to my little one! I cant bear to leave her behind while i head back to work! And the thought of it already make me misses her so much!

How i wish, my workplace have a nursery where there are helpers to take care of our little one. Allowing us to bring them there, and giving them a hug when we need some booster during any part of the day!

Unfortunately, such privilege is not happening for me.

This full 4 months makes me feel so blessed!

Nellie is such an easy baby since the day she arrived in this world. She is so friendly, she allowed anyone and everyone to carry and play with her! And always flashing that wide smile of hers to everyone! Yes, to even strangers!

And she was born with a whole head full of hair! Which people envied!

She doesnt fuss or cry even when she is hungry, she will let out 2 tiny cries to indicate she needs food! That makes it so easy to bring her out on shopping trips and dining at restaurant!

Nellie starts sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old! That leaves me with plenty of rest and undisturbed sleep through the night too!

Having said so much, now that i'm supposed to go back to work, and i really cant bear to leave her at home! I will definitely miss the time where i bathe her, feed her, coo with her when she is awake!

With all these 'benefits', i really dont mind being a SAHM!

10th Week!

It has been a good 10 weeks since Nellie is here and me entering into motherhood.

This 10 weeks were mixed with many tears, joys, laughters and many new life experiences.

Nellie has started to sleep through the night, dropping one feed at a good 2 months old. She is one extremely interactive and smiley baby, which is really what i have been praying for!

This 10 weeks also make me miss my pregnancy days. That kind of anticipation i supposed that i no longer get it now.

Honestly, this 10 weeks there are days that she is not so easy to manage, there are days that she is so easy, is a mother's dream child.

But every time when she smiles at me, she would melt away all frustrations and the pain!!

Nellies' First vaccination

The first vaccination.

Today was the first time that Nellie is gonna get her vaccination with us. Excluding the one at the hospital as we did not need to witness the whole process.

The 'execution ground' was at KKH, due to many factor, we decided to have it at KKH instead of going back to the private PDs.

Her turn came.

The nurses told me that i have to hold her hands tight, and at the same time, they will inject BOTH the needles into BOTH her thighs. My heart was thumping fast!

I was like, are you sure, you want me to hold her?? I cant imagine what if she fidgets and the needle poke wrongly or whatever. Many thoughts raced across my mind. Still, i got to hold her. Cant run away.

The nurses counted. 1,2,3.

And both needles went in. As they put the syringe, Nellie let out a LOUD cry. Yes, so loud that my heart drop all the way to the floor. At that instance, i almost cried with her. HAHA. Sounds drama right. But it was just so heart wrenching to see your dearest little fellow, being poke and cried her lungs out.

As adult, we cant even tolerate the pain of ONE needle poking into our arms. Much less, an infant.

After it was done, Nellie cried for barely a minute and she fall back into deep sleep.

She was such a brave girl!

However, the vaccines did no good to me.

She was cranky the whole day, and wants me to carry her. To make things worse, she ran a fever in the night. And did not have any appetite to drink milk.

But she had a good night sleep. 6 hours straight! I hope that her sleeping pattern will hence be 6 hours straight every night!

Nellie, you are one awesome baby, you dont fuss or cry for no apparent reason, you only fuss when mummy did not feed you on time. (Whoops)
Even with the vaccinations, you let out a loud wail, but very quickly, you stopped and went back to sleep. You did not throw up your oral vaccine as well! Mummy and daddy are so proud of you!

Motherhood

Its almost 2 months since Nellie arrives in this world.

She has grown, bigger fatter, prettier (in my own opinion), and more aware of her surroundings as compared to when she first arrived.

The first few weeks of motherhood was totally not easy for me. I had to express milk out for her, and slowly to latching her. The soreness and pain was not something that can be describe with a few words. And often i thought to myself, what have i got myself into? These thoughts are especially lively when its in the middle of the night, having to wake up from my sleep and feed her, and when she refused to latch properly and kept crying.

To make matter worse, she will latch for hours before falling back into deep sleep which will last her barely 2 hours, before she start asking for milk again! You can imagine how sleep deprived am i.

I am not the kind that can sleep alot in the afternoon, as such, night time is my most precious moments to catch some eye shut, ever since i made that decision to latch her, i only averagely get 4 - 5 hours of broken sleep. Which means, each time i only sleep about 1 over hours, a max 2.

Despite the many complaints, whenever she wakes up and smile at me, (simply because i am her food source), her smiles will totally melt my heart and makes me want to do anything for her.

These 2 months of bonding with her, just make me feel like being a stay home mum and devote all my time and attention to her. I cant fathom how will life be when i go back to the workforce and only gets to see my little princess probably that 2 hours a day.

Just before i end off this post, here are some growing pics of the princess!

Last day of confinement lady

Today will officially marks the last day of my confinement lady.

Happy or sad ?

Kind of mixed.

I will miss the days where when Nellie pooed, all i need to do is just to ' Aunty, Nellie pooed', followed by handing her the baby and i can either continue to watch my tv or go back to sleep.

I will also miss her food! Though i dont exactly fancy confinement food, but this aunty has been cooking alot of nice food! And i really enjoy eating it!

I will also badly miss my sleep! Now that she is gone, night time, i am all by myself, my life is soon revolved around diaper changing, bathing, feeding, expressing milk, washing baby's clothes, sterilizing  bottles and etc...

I wish, aunty can stay longer with no cost!

Looking forward, i am also able to bond with my baby more, i can bring her out more often, that means she will be able to attend church services too!

Nellies' one month old!

Nellie turns one month!

It was a much anticipated event for many! YY's parents, my parents and many others were looking forward to celebrate this special occasion with Nellie!

I was just tired, considering that i have to wake up every 3 hours to feed her and before i drift off to lala land, she is up for her next feed again.

No pictures as i was too busy trying to keep track of time, when to pump and the number of guests turning up, the food was good and tasty, the many other details.

Im thankful for all the friends and family members who turned up and celebrate this joyous occasion with us.

The many wonderful gifts and Ang pows that all of you has sowed into Nellies' life!

Thank you for making the event such a successful and memorable one! Maybe not for Nellie, she probably does not remember anything. But more for YY and myself, as well as our families.

Thank God for the wonderful weather too!

Confinement

My first ever confinement.

And like all other new parents, we engaged the service of a confinement lady. The original one that we engaged did not turned up due to baby's early arrival.

So she recommended us one.

The first time when i first met this aunty, i thought she was not bad. Seems knowledgeable and friendly.

However, after going through the first few days with her, i realised i was so wrong.

Aunty J could not get along with my mother in law and will constantly in disagreement with her. No heated argument but she will always complaint to me that my mother in law is too controlling and gave too many instructions, even comments.

I will try to pacify her by telling that maybe because this is the first grandchild, as such, a little more anxious and worried for the well being.

But aunty J never stop. She literally drove me nuts with the many complaints that she has for my mother in law, and yet at the same time, my mother in law would come and 'feedback' that Aunty J is lazy and rude. Does not do her job properly.

However, on the 11th day, she called it quits. She resigned

Honestly, i read so many people writing on forum that how tough it was to go though without the help of a confinement lady and searching for one at such a last minute, was even more tough.
I never thought this would happen to me.

She left us on the very day she told me she wants to resign. I was left alone to manage my baby that day. Many things we arent sure what is going on, what to expect and so on. So we just have to guess and try.

Of cos i probably cannot survive without the help of the confinement lady. So the person who recommended us Aunty J told us she gotten us a replacement and will come the very next day.

When this aunty arrives, she looks more jovial and easy going.

More hygienic and seems to be very experienced in handling babies.

With her, things seems to be so much more easy.

This Aunty, name Aunty F. Would always talk to me and make me feel so at ease. She herself is a grandma, thus can comprehend the feelings of my in laws. After all, Nellie is their very first grandchild and more so, a grand daughter.

I hope things will get better!!

Heb 11: 1

I have a deeper understanding of Heb 11: 1, on the very day when i delivered Princess Nellie.

During the whole 9 months of pregnancy, every day, i will pray, asking God for something.

The first 5 months when i know i was pregnant, i prayed everyday, asking God to bless me a baby girl. And when i got to know of baby gender, i was thrilled. True indeed, a baby girl was given.

After which, every single day, i pray, asking God, to bless the baby girl with a pretty, adorable, smiley, sociable, girl, most importantly, she must have a heart after God's very own heart, last but not least, to have a healthy baby. (of cos, as a selfish mother, i also prayed that she will not have any birth mark or whatsoever).

6 April, when its time for Nellies' arrival, even as i go through Labour pain and contractions, in my heart, i continued asking God to bless Nellie. (And of cos, take away the labour pain!)

When Nellie arrived at 2221, tired as i am, i took a peeked and i ask YY the most shallowed question, is Nellie pretty and does she have any birth marks on her.

The reply from all was, she is a pretty baby, no birth mark, no major defect.

My first thought was THANK GOD!

And i thank God for the verse, Heb 11:1

And Faith is the Substance of  Things HOPED for, the evident of things NOT SEEN! 

Because i told myself, only with Faith that we can have things we that hope for and with that, God then can move!

And true indeed! God moved in my case for me! And i am really grateful for this!

10th day of motherhood

Entering into the 10th day of motherhood. Its a bittersweet feeling.

I miss days where i am all alone, just I, ME, MYSELF.

After getting married, another person entered into my life. It became, I, Him and Us.

Now with the baby that comes along, it is now, She, Him and I.

The sequence now all are different. Not like the past anymore.

Now, life revolves around, pumping, and more pumping.

This is because i still have the confinement lady with me. Very soon, it will be all about changing diaper, pumping, feeding, bathing and more changing.

Honestly, how's life as a mother.

The whole thing has yet to sink in apart from the breastfeeding. The painful process.

I dont get to see baby as often as many people claim ownership of her. I dont get to carry her as much, as im always told that i need more rest, i cant carry load, so on and so forth.

Now that i am still in confinement, i would rather go through the pain of labour then confinement.

At least, i still have epidural to numb the pain. But in confinement, i got to endure so many things.

The logic of no washing hair, minimal bathing, only using boiled water to wash hand, eating all the gingery food. And worse, the constant war path of 2 elderly ladies.

I always wonder, is there a short cut to confinement? Just like epidural.

I haven found an answer to this.

8th day of motherhood

I find it quite contradicting.

It seems like it was just yesterday that i took the pregnancy test and found out that i was pregnant. And it seems just yesterday that i deliver Nellie in Mount A.

As i was carrying her (the preggie me), i cant wait to get her out so that i can have an easier time with my body.

Now that she is out, i wish she is back in, reason being, i miss her kicking, somersaults and all her movements. I miss the gynae appointments where doc John would tell me her progress, tell me how is she and all. I miss the time when i take train and people will give up seat for me.

Now that she is out, i kinda miss all the above, but yet at the same time, i dont mind just staring at her, looking at her angelic face, the smiles that she carries in her sleep, the frowns that she will give when we disturb her. The many things that she does, may it be her reflex or her genuine expressions, i really dont mind just staring at her the whole day.

Life is no more the same.

Today is Nellie's 8th day into the world and i simply adore her to the max. Yet on the other hand, i miss life previously to the max.

Princess Nellies' Birth Story

Our Little princess arrived!

Finally after much anticipation and waiting, she finally come and say Hi to the world on 6 Apr 2013!!

How did it all happened?

Honestly, to me, its much of expected yet unexpected.

Just days before, i was still telling people that for all we know, after visiting gynae on sat, doctor would announce to us that i have dilated and need to deliver. Otherwise, its a case where i feel strong contractions, and ended up in hospital.

However, what i expected happen only half way.

I was feeling weird on Friday night, there were mild contractions, however, i think my skin was too thick to feel much, i brush off all the contractions as broxton hicks, in another word, its fake contractions.

On sat morning, i did everything as usual and even told my Mother in Law that after visiting gynae, we will need to go and get some stuff at chinatown before heading home. We all agreed.

I was early for my appointment, and at the same time i was required to do this fetus heart monitoring. While doing, i felt some tightening of my tummy, but never once did it cross my mind that its a contraction, since it happened so many times.

Jackie the nurse came and see me, told me i was having contractions, but i was just simply ignoring cause i didnt want to kick a big fuss.

We went to see Doc John, and lo and behold, Doc John told me i was having contraction 1 in every 10 mins. Which means it might be labour. So he said he wanted to check if i dilated, went and check and to my surprise, i was 4cm dilated! Yet i did not feel a single thing! He gave instruction that i need to admit to the hospital NOW.

My jaw dropped all the way to the floor.

Just as i thought i was thinking too much, there come the news that i'm in labour. My MIL who was with us the whole time of cos could not contain her joy, called everyone and announce that im going in to the hospital to give birth.

I on the other hand was still trying to think straight. So i told YY to send all of us home first, while i bathe and they take their lunch. We reached home, i quickly pack, check all the things that we required are there and off we go to Mount Alvernia!


Time check: 1pm

Upon arrival, the nurses check me in to the delivery suite and gave me care advises and instructions on what i need to know. And i was early, Doc John instructed the hospital to provide lunch for me! Which is my last meal till God knows when! Feast for the day for me!

Time passed, 4 hours gone. Dr John came. He told me i was still at 4 - 5 cm dilation! And he is gonna speed things up by breaking the water bag! And induce baby to come out at the same time. After him doing that, lo and behold, contractions came in waves. And more intense. yet to the nurses, its not enough.

Now its 5pm, i was still not dilating as what i expected. I was in pain, manageable i would say.

YY went to have his dinner while i on the other hand in pain!! How awesome is this!

By the time at 710pm, i could not take it anymore, i relented to having epidural, it was such a heaven on earth feeling when the epidural kicks in!

I still remember vivdly, asking YY, now that i am in pain, whats next.

Finally, after epidural, contractions sped up, i dilated another 3 cm within 1 hour! I should have done this long time ago! Yet at the same time, i was running a fever. A sign that i need be under closer supervision. Doc gave instructions to take panadol and since i was on antibiotic drip, i should be fine.

And due to the low dosage of epidural that the doc gave, i could feel the pressure and contactions when i was 9cm dilated! You can imagine those who went through without epidural! I literally had to beg the nurses to help me to increase the dosage! And so, at 9pm, they increase the dose! By 10pm, i was fully dilated! Well done! However, the epidural was so in its effect, i lost the feeling to push and got scoldings from the midwifes. How well done can this be!

I remember they told me to push, and i pushed! But nothing happened, and i heard Dr John mentioned that i cannot make it, cause baby's heartbeat was dropping and he got to help me to get her out ASAP! And so in the end they sucked her out!

At 2221 hours, Baby Nellie came into the world!

The big thing!

Almost 1 year into marriage life.

Life has been awesome!

And now the time to break the news! I'm (as of today) 5 months pregnant!!

Some said i concealed well, some said it was not obvious. Others were guessing but didnt know how to pop the question.

The first time when i saw this!

I finally understood whats the meaning of crying and laughing at the same time, and that kind of joy.














Entering into the 5th month or to put it more accurately, its 21 weeks, and the doctor confirmed its a girl!

We have 1 happy and 1 sad soul!

Yeo Yi is upset cos its not a boy. Aaron is happy cos he is taking her as his God-daughter!

Looking forward to talk about baby again!